


Dean's Checklist

by EvertheOptimistWaywardAF



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Season/Series 15 Spoilers, Supernatural Spoilers, spn spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2020-03-26 15:40:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19008787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvertheOptimistWaywardAF/pseuds/EvertheOptimistWaywardAF
Summary: After the events of the season 14 finale, Dean struggles with his loss and the reality of their situation.





	Dean's Checklist

1\. Wake up.  
2\. Brush your teeth and hair quickly.  
3\. Go to the kitchen, Cas is usually there.  
4\. Make sure he seems ok.  
5\. He doesn’t smell like alcohol, not like when he stole your whole supply.  
6\. He didn’t drink alcohol much before…   
7\. Make breakfast.  
8\. Make too much breakfast.  
9\. Put the extra pancakes in the fridge for later.  
10\. No, throw them out. Nobody will eat them.  
11\. Sam wakes up.   
12\. He used to wake up earlier than you.  
13\. He looks tired, probably had a nightmare.  
14\. Ask him if he’s okay, he says he’s fine.  
15\. He’s not fine.  
16\. Cas and Sam don’t even talk, but you’re the one who feels guilty. Nobody is guilty. At least, not in this room.   
17\. That doesn't stop you from glancing at Sam's injuries.  
18\. Don’t mention how you cried last night, how you made a prayer knowing that even if she heard it, there would be nothing she could do. She’s gone.  
19\. She’s gone.   
20\. Pour whiskey.  
21\. Now Cas has an intervention look in his eyes. He seems to be saying you shouldn’t drink so much, but you give him a look that tells him not to test you. You’re not ready yet. It’s been some time, and you’re still not ready yet.   
22\. Cas looks at you sadly. You can tell that he’s thinking of a happier time.   
23\. Sam finally looks up, holding his stupid smoothie in his hands, as if it will solve all of his problems. He’s so dumb. You hate him, but then you remember how much you love him.   
24\. Maybe they were right, that you shouldn't have tried to carry the world on your shoulders.  
25\. They know you feel guilty, but both of them are steeped in deeper guilt. All three of you, standing silently in the kitchen, unspoken words between you, wishing that you had all died long ago, and how you all wish you could be with mom and Jack and Bobby and Charlie and Kevin and Ellen and Eileen and Jo and-  
26\. Take a deep breath.   
27\. Notice that even after all the pain you’ve gone through, you’re still standing. You got up this morning. You’re going to get up tomorrow. And you’ve got something to do. Remind yourself that you have a purpose, and even if you didn’t, you are still worthy of being alive and happy and that Jack and mom would want you to be happy.   
28\. Make the first move. Embrace Sam and Cas. They both are surprised but they welcome the hug. It’s been a long time since you last hugged.   
29\. Know that even despite the imposing shadow of the threat ahead, it’s not time to give up. Remember that even as it seems so horrible, you still have your brother and your best friend, and they will never leave your side. Remember that you may not live forever, but like Jack said, these moments are still worth cherishing. Remember that you’ll have to wake up tomorrow, and the next day, and that you’re going to smile again. Remember all three of you have been through Hell, and even if you fail, you have changed so many people’s lives for the better, and it was all worth it.   
30\. Be alright.


End file.
